Marriage isn’t always easy. Just like any other relationship, you are bound to have disagreements and conflicts in your marriage. Yes, even Christian marriages have conflicts too.
It doesn’t matter that you are both Christians or that you love each other so much, you are eventually going to have a conflict in your marriage.
Conflicts in marriage don’t mean you are not compatible or the marriage isn’t working. You are two completely different people, raised differently with different preferences and opinions, so you are definitely going to disagree with your spouse on certain things.
But the good thing about this is that these disagreements help to know more about your spouse. It helps you to know what your spouse doesn’t like and it also helps you to reveal what you don’t like to your spouse.
With that being said, you also have to bear in mind that too much of everything is bad. So you don’t have to make every little thing a reason to fight with your spouse. That will just make the marriage unhealthy.
So pick your battles. Know when it’s worth fighting and when it’s best to ignore. Most conflicts in marriages can be avoided if you just overlook certain things.
Sometimes, when you decide not to pick a fight and just ignore certain things, they eventually work themselves out and you realize, “oh yeah, it’s a good thing I didn’t fight about that”.
Some conflicts are easier to resolve than others but one thing you always have to remember is that all conflicts can be resolved. No matter how bad things are with your spouse now, things can turn around and get better.
The thing is you are two different people trying to make a marriage work. You have a common goal alright, but you both also have different approaches to things.
So even though neither of you is happy about the conflict now and you both want things to get better, you might have different approaches to make things better and sometimes, that can even cause more harm.
Sometimes when a problem arises in a marriage, you talk about it with your spouse, and after the talk, you assume that is it, case closed. But you wake up the next day and you realize that things are still not okay with you two and there seems to be a little tension between you two.
This is because we all have different understandings and sometimes it can even be hard to express ourselves or explain things better for our partners to understand us. So it is essential to know how to properly resolve conflicts in your marriage.
If conflicts in marriage are not resolved, they can lead to resentment in the marriage which can eventually cause the marriage to fail.
Also, these conflicts can have an effect on you both physically and mentally. This is because thinking and worrying so much about a situation can lead to depression. Which is very bad for your health.
So it is important to know how to effectively resolve conflicts in marriage. Below we will discuss some tips for conflict resolutions in marriage.
6 Tips for resolving conflicts in marriage
Pray about it
As a Christian, one thing you should always remember is that there is no problem that prayer can’t solve.
So no matter what is happening in your marriage, no matter how bad things may seem, just pray.
Tell God about it, invite Him to take care of things in your marriage. Ask God to touch and soften your spouse’s heart, so it will be easier to communicate with them and come to an understanding with them.
So before you sit down your spouse to talk about the problems in your marriage, remember to first talk to God.
Understand your feelings
It is so easy to misinterpret your feelings sometimes. This is because, sometimes, it can be difficult to identify the real cause of our feelings.
So you might be feeling angry or bitter towards your partner, that you know. But you realize that you are not quite sure why you are feeling that way.
This is often a result of built-up resentment. Built-up resentment stems from unresolved issues in marriage. So you have to figure out why you are actually feeling the way you are feeling.
Other times too what you might be feeling could be disappointment and not anger. Or you could be feeling hurt by their actions and not necessarily angry with them.
So you have to figure out what you are really feeling and why you are feeling that way before you can proceed to talk with your spouse.
Communicate with your spouse
Once you know what you are feeling, calmly, and clearly let your spouse know how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.
Now, remember that communication is a two-way street so you don’t have to spend the whole time just telling them how you feel without listening to them too. Listen to them and know and understand how they feel too.
If you don’t understand something they are saying, ask them to explain and help you understand. Don’t just keep quiet and nod along.
You are going to wake up the next morning still feeling bitter or hurt because you didn’t understand them. So listen to them and ask them to explain further if you don’t understand anything.
Focus on a solution
Usually during conflict resolutions, we tend to focus on justifying our actions and defending ourselves instead of focusing on finding a solution.
If you really want to make things right in your marriage and with your spouse, then the focus shouldn’t be on why what you did was right, that will only make things worse.
Instead, you should focus on finding a solution to the problem. A solution that works for you both.
If your goal is to resolve a conflict and save your marriage, then you don’t need to defend or justify your actions. You don’t have to blame or accuse your partner by implying that their actions made you react that way.
Remember the goal is to resolve the conflict, so focus on finding a solution instead of blaming and defending.
Most conflicts in marriages can easily be resolved if we learnt to just forgive. Yes, sometimes their actions hurt but holding on to it is only going to make it hurt more, so forgive. Learn to let go.
If your spouse wrongs you and they apologize, just forgive. Even if they don’t apologize, you should still forgive and let go.
Remember, forgiving is mostly for you. Don’t hold on to pain, anger, and bitterness. That is just not healthy for you.
God said He will give you beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). But the thing is you cant receive the beauty whiles still holding on to the ashes. So let go of the ashes and see the beauty of God in your marriage.
Don’t hold on to the hurts and be bitter towards your spouse. Remember, to err is human, so tomorrow, you might need them to forgive you too. So learn to forgive easily.
You can check out these bible verses on forgiveness to help you understand the importance of forgiving and how to forgive.
It is best to try and resolve conflicts in your marriage by yourselves but when you’ve tried and things are still not working out, then you should consider inviting someone to help.
This should be someone that both you and your partner respect and trust. It can be your pastor at church or the elders in your church’s marriage counseling unit.
Tell them what is happening and invite them to talk to both you and your spouse. But don’t spring this on your spouse. Let them know the step you’ve taken to make things right in your marriage.
You can also find professional couples counseling therapists who can actually help you communicate better with your partner.
A counselor may be able to provide an objective perspective and suggest alternative solutions while helping both of you learn how to effectively express your thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. This can also provide long-term strategies on how to build trust between the two individuals and foster a healthier relationship.
It’s not easy to understand your own feelings, let alone communicate them. It’s not easy to forgive when you have been so badly hurt especially if not just once.
So when you can’t resolve things on your own, be open to seeking outside help. Marriage can be hard, but there is no conflict that can’t be resolved.
Prayer for when marriage is hard
Thank you for bringing ……..(spouse’s name) and me together in marriage
Thank you for giving me a partner to share life with
Lord, we have hit a bump in our marriage life
But I know that it is your will that this marriage blossoms and flourishes in love
So I pray today that you give us the strength to go through these muddy waters
I pray against anything that is working against this marriage
Any physical or spiritual force that is working to break this marriage,
I come against it.
Let them be put to shame and bring me and my ……….. (spouse) together.
I pray for peace, patience, gentleness, tolerance, and calm to settle in this union you made happen
Be our mediator, our pacifier, and our comforter in times where we lack these things
Thank you for answering my prayers
Through Jesus Christ our Lord,